Scares

Lately I am feeling so much better. Well emotionally. Physically it's a challenge. When it's time for bed the baby is kicking and happily moving around. If only he could sleep when I sleep. :) But I guess that's not going to happen. Oh well. I've noticed that I bump into everything it seems like. Front AND back. My belly and my butt is attracted to everything lately. It gets really annoying. When I lay down it's always on my side. Never my tummy or my back. But I get sore really easily so I'm constantly switching sides. But I've learned silk, silk, silk!! Silk sheets and silk jammies and you are all set! It's hardly a work out. :)
I think because I've had such an easy pregnancy Karma is trying to kick me in the butt. It really sucks! I've had a couple health problems and they've been quite scary. First one was I was having incredible pains in my tummy and back, I went to the doctor and he started feeling around my abdomen and found a pulse there. He said he thought it was an Abdominal Aorta Aneurysm. Pretty scary to hear!! After I got done with that appointment I went home and looked up more information on it. Alex didn't want to hear any of it. He was scared and so was I. Then next day I had an appointment at the hospital to get an abdominal ultrasound done. Luckily they didn't find anything! That was such a relief. I later had a talk with my doctor and he said that because I was so think he could feel my aorta pretty good. (But I'm still glad I went and had that ultrasound done. But safe than sorry!) The next thing is while I as at my nanny job I had gotten sick. I had started cramping and getting really sick. I went to the bathroom to find that I had started bleeding. I was scared like none other. That was not supposed to be happening!! I called the hospital and talked to a nurse from Labor and Delivery. She said that if I noticed less fetal movement or kept bleeding to come in. I didn't make that call til around six at night. (Tonight was the premier for Dark Knight Rises. Alex and I were going to since his dad had invited us and all the other siblings, but since the events that had happened I decided not to go. I told Alex I thought it was okay if he went and to come home if I called him.) I decided to told off on going to the hospital. I had stopped bleeding, but I couldn't feel the baby like I was used to. I didn't go in til after eleven that night. I was scared. Alex was still gone and I was by myself. I called him to tell him I was driving myself to the hospital and that I needed him to come home right away. After I walked into the emergency room, the staff immediately started talking to me and asking me questions. I was terrified. They asked if I wanted a wheelchair and I declined. We walked to Labor and Delivery. From there I was given a room and a gown to change into. After I had changed the nurse helped me onto bed and started hooking me up to machines. She had attached two round devices on my belly. One was for the baby's heartbeat and the other for his movements. The most comforting sound was hearing his heart beating...I felt better just hearing that precious sound. She asked me some questions and then left the room. I was by myself for half an hour. Just listening to his heartbeat and his movements. It's funny. When your by yourself things seem to go bad, but when you go for help or try to explain the situation everything turns out okay. Like nothing every happened. Well once I got settled into the bed and was hooked up to the machines I could feel him  moving just like he normally would. He's always more lively at night. :) The nurse looked at the papers and said that I wasn't contracting and that he seemed to be doing just fine. To doctor on call had been keeping an eye on my monitors and said that she felt comfortable with letting me go home. So, I put my clothes back on and the nurse walked me to the door. I was so grateful that everything turned out okay. I was so worried. Not for myself but that Wyatt would be okay. I don't know what I would have done if he had not...I don't want to even think about it.
But after getting into the car I called Alex. He was still driving home. (He was coming all the way from West Jordan.) I told him that everything seemed to be fine. He was relieved. I don't think he was overly worried like I was, but there was still some worry there. By the time I got home he was already there. He hugged and kissed me first thing when I walked in the door. I was grateful to have him finally there with me. I needed my partner in crime. :)
Since that night everything has been going great. Hopefully it stays that way. :) Until next time..

Questions

Lately my husband and I have been into asking each other a series of questions. Any random thing that comes to mind. Boy oh boy. I haven't laughed SO hard for a long time.  :) I love that we do this. I think it
brings us closer together. So today I have a questionnaire for you and your partner. You will love how close
this brings you to each other.

1. List 20 facts about yourself.
2. Describe three legitimate fears you have and how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you could tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are 5 things that make you most happy right now.
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced.
7. What is your dream job, and why.
8. What are 5 passions you have.
9. List 5 people who have influenced you and how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have
12. Describe a typical day in your life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal what would you be, and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments.
17. What is the thing you wish you were most great at and why?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive.
19. If you could live anywhere where would it be and why?
20. Describe three significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misunderstand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.


Try this out. I love doing this with my husband. It's always a good laugh. I hope you enjoy it! :)
Until next time.

Turning the Page

Some people think that once a chapter ends in our lives that's it. The end. But only the smart people remember to turn the page and not close the book. Your story is never really over. Not even after you die. Your legacy lives on. A new chapter is beginning to unfold. How beautiful this can be. 

Not every chapter is good or great. In fact some just down right suck. There is heartache, turmoil, sadness, death. So many things can happen to us that make us think, 'Can't it just be over already?'

But isn't that the beauty of it? Being able to start a new? Make a new ending or a better beginning for yourself? I think so. 

This year has had it's moments of greatness and down right terrible times. But I wouldn't change anything. I'm a better person and my new story is only beginning to unfold. Chapters have ended, pages have turned but my story is far from over. It's just the beginning. 

Maybe just to go over somethings, December of 2011 I got engaged. January of 2012 I found the MOST PERFECT and BEAUTIFUL wedding dress. Ever. I also found out that very same day (after I had found and put a deposit down for the dress) that I was expecting. Told mine and Alex's family. Cried, thought I died a little inside, depressed, hurried, rushed. Just all these and more emotions were plaguing me. I was so upset and unhappy. I was upset because I had taken away the chance and opportunity for my mom and I to bond more over the course of planning the wedding. (She was never given the chance with my older sister. Mother-in-laws.....) I was sad because I wasn't going to get the wedding that I really wanted and had hoped for. Everything was happening way too fast. But I had acted like an adult now it was time to be an adult.

February of 2012 killed myself always working and trying to find the time to plan what little I could. And finally March of 2012 I was married. Not going to lie, I was happy that it was all over. No more planning no more stress no more mom crying...  :(

But just remember: turn the page. After Alex and I were married we moved in together and that is when a new chapter began. Life was...okay? Personally WE had no problems but there were of course problems. (won't go into that but it was freaking HELL and I am glad it is over with) About a month after we got married I started cleaning house. (Only people really close to me will understand what I mean by that statement.) May of 2012 complete and utterly blissful happiness. (Only took two months to get.) Since May life has been just...wonderful. I cannot complain. I am finally stress free, I can enjoy my husband, my pregnancy, my home, my family. Life is perfect. Now I'm just waiting for my little Wyatt to get here! :)
Sometimes I really wish October would just get here but then I'm like...'No...because once he gets here life is forever going to change. I'm going to be a mom. I will be in charge of a precious little life. I will be in charge of raising him to be a good person to use his skills and talents.' 
I'm still freaked out by this whole thing honestly. I still feel (I know) I am too young to be a mother!! I'm only 20!! There are so many things I want to do with my life. Having a baby isn't going to stop me, it'll take longer to reach my goals but that doesn't mean that I should stop. My life is just going at a speed I'm not totally comfortable with. I would be getting married in October, Alex and I wouldn't be having baby's until a year or two later. We would enjoy each others company. Get to know one another. Yes, we still do those things and I most definitely enjoy his company, we just have less time to do it. But hopefully by this time next year Alex Wyatt and I will be starting yet another new chapter. Getting sealed for all time and eternity in the Temple. :)
I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my days on earth and then after with my husband. I love him so much. He brings out with best in me. He handles and deals with my crap. We balance each other out perfectly. (I'm loud, he's quiet. I have enough backbone for the two of us. He is more sensitive than me sometimes.) Just all these things makes our personalities mesh together perfectly. Like two hands molded together. 
Just remember to never close the book. Only to turn the page. Your story is never really over. Not even after death. 
Until next time.  :)

Children Through the Oppressor

In other words: Bullies. That is one word that I absolutely HATE! I cannot stand anyone who thinks it's okay to be mean and cruel to other people. 
Now I will admit to my faults. I'm not perfect nor do I pretend to be. But I've been on both sides and either way it sucks. 
I can remember when I was a little girl I would come home from school in tears. I was often bullied because of my physical appearance, my name and because I was never the 'popular' kid. I mostly kept to myself or my small group of friends. 
Now I began to think that it was okay for me to do the same. To be mean to others because they were different than me. Because I guess it made me feel better. 
But no matter what, there are no excuses to ever treat someone like they don't matter. Everyone is special. Everyone matters. 
After elementary school and junior high I started gaining a better perspective of life. It hurts to know that some people are so down, that people treat them so badly that they commit suicide.
I mean come on! What has happened to society? What has happened to us?
The human race is full of follies and weaknesses but in the end we are all the same. 
We are not God, we are not invincible and we are not immortal. We are humans.
Anyone who thinks they are better then someone else needs a good long look in the mirror.
I don't care if you are rich, poor, middle class, black, white, brown, Asian, from the middle east, etc.
Doesn't matter where you come from or your background. We are all the same. Equal.
(Though still to this day, there are plenty of people who are not treated as equals.)
A quick little story. I nanny for three girls. Well one day I was picking them up from school and
one of them had come running to me crying. I had asked her what was wrong and she proceeded to tell me that she was sad because some boys had been picking on her. Calling her names and touching her. I asked her if she told her teacher. She said that she had and that the teacher had told her not to worry about it. 
Really? Don't worry about it?! Good to know that the children are with 'responsible' adults.
But anyways, I just couldn't believe it. The teacher did absolutely nothing. Now I know I am not their parent but I was upset. I gathered all the kids up and set out looking for her teacher. She was (luckily for her) gone. When the girls parents got home I had told them what had happened. And of course they were upset. Who wouldn't be? Calling people names and touching them in just down right wrong. Inappropriate. This teacher, absolutely disgusts me. I would go (and I'm sorry for the language) bat shit crazy if my children ever came home and told me their teacher had just dismissed something that NEEDS to be addressed. 
I feel like I am beginning to ramble here. But I'm guessing you all got the point of this message today. But to summarize it all up for you:
BULLYING IS WRONG AND NEEDS TO BE STOPPED.
There. That was all I was trying to say. Anyways I hope this makes you all think before you act out. Someone maybe going through their own personal hell at home. They don't need it anywhere else. 
Until next time all. :)

Oh BABY!

Lately all I can think about is my baby. How exciting it is to be having your own little one! It's like

nothing else. Your body goes through so many changes and your life is just turned upside down. (In a good way of course.) My husband and I had a wonderful experience a few weeks ago. On May 25, 2012 we had an ultrasound. That was the day we had found out what our little bundle of joy was. That is why I chose the color blue. :) We are having a beautiful baby boy!! We've already got a name for him. But I feel a little sorry for him..just a little. Wyatt Alexander Kepano Littlewood. In Alex's family the men have a tradition. The first born son it to have his fathers name as his middle name. And since I'm Hawaiian I wanted to keep the tradition going of having a Hawaiian name. That is where the name Kepano comes in. Kepano is my dads name in Hawaiian. Stephen. Wyatt Alexander Kepano (Stephen) Littlewood. Such a long name, but I am not sorry. I love his name. 

Before we found out everyone thought we were having a girl. Not to brag or say 'I told you so'... But I told everyone it would be a boy..and who was right?? ME! :) It was so funny. The day we found out I called my mom. She was so stuck on him being a girl. She was sure of it. But if you know me I try to make everything fun. I told my mom that they had heard another heartbeat. She started freaking out! She didn't want to believe me until she had the proof. Dang. She knows all too well. But of course her response was "Pua, I can't talk. I need a Diet Coke." Silly Mom. Her and her Diet Cokes. :)

Technology has come along way. Now when you get your ultrasound done to find out what you are having you not only get pictures to keep but also a DVD!! You get to see your entire appointment. How cool is that?! Ummm yeah. Way cool. 

Now I couldn't help myself. I cried. When the lady had asked us if we wanted to know what we were having of course we both said yes!! Who wouldn't?! (I honestly can't imagine not knowing til he or she were to get here.) It was right after we had both answered her she had moved her instrument around to show us...It was plain as day. You could definitely tell he was a boy! Oh man..I was going to have a little boy!! (Although, I can't lie. I felt a small tinge of sadness. In the back of my mind I had wanted to buy all these cute little pink frilly things for a girl..But I wouldn't change it for anything!!) I cried..and maybe this is just me..I think I saw Alex tear up a little..After the appointment had finished I had asked him if he was happy. And he truly was. He was afraid that if we had a little girl he would be completely wrapped around her little fingers. She would definitely get her way. Daddy's little girl. 

I think it's already decided. I'm going to end up playing the bad cop. Meaning I am going to be the pain in the butt parent. Which doesn't surprise me. Or bother me. I'm not here to be his friend first. I will always be his mom and a mom I will act like. I would give my life to protect him. It's amazing. I have so much love for someone I haven't even met! But how could I not love him? He's a part of me. 

So we have started painting his room! I am so excited! Grey and white stripes with a blue trim and there is going to be a palm tree!! Island theme is where I'm going with this. Why not? Ah! I am just too excited. I can't wait til it's all finished. 

We have started to buy some diapers. And boy. Those suckers are expensive! But I guess I got a good deal.. $30 for 216 diapers..that's good right? Either way we need diapers. Just the other day we got a bassinet and yesterday we got a crib. Our family is just being to kind to us. Grandma gave us the bassinet and our cousin gave us a crib. I am so thankful for all the help we are receiving. They are saving us a lot of money. 

Well...I'm sorry if I've bored you all to death. Talking about babies and such..But they truly are wonderful. Until next time!! :)

Too Excited to wait! Number two :)

Admittedly I am a nerd. I can't help myself. I've got the time to write this so why not? I am too excited about having a blog. I'll try not to treat it as my journal, but honestly in my head that is what this is. An online journal that the world may read if they choose. This one will have a filter on it though. Can't be telling the world EVERYTHING. :) So since I am new to this I am doing a questionnaire so that you all may get to know me and who knows? Maybe I'll get to know myself a little bit more. 


Eye color? Dark brown.
How tall are you? 5'10
Where do you see yourself in five years? Trying to be the best mother and wife I can be. And I will have the skills and knowledge to be a certified EMT.
Do you love your job? Yes. Sometimes. Being a nanny can stressful at times.
Biggest fear? Losing my son or husband. Also spiders. And snakes.
Religious beliefs? I am LDS and I believe in everything it stands for. (maybe a little wriggle room)
Five people you spend most of your time with? Easy. Three little girls that I watch, my husband and our son. (since he is still inside me. Does that count?)
Are you afraid of letting people in? No. I am afraid of letting them go.
Five great men in your life? My husband, my daddy, brother, father-in-law and my best friend Brandon and my nephew. I just love him. (And I know, that was six not five)
Five great women in your life? My mom, my sister, my mother-in-law, my best friend Cassie, and Paula Sheridan.
Do you love to be called your real name? Yes. My name is different and unique. I love it. :)
Do you love your parents? Without a doubt.
When do you feel jealous? Of what? I try not to be the jealous type. But I'm going to say, when some new girl would come into my group. All the guys would treat her like some new shiny toy.
Do you have ANY ego problems? No, I don't think so.
What makes you stressed? Drama. Pointless drama. And when my friends or family is in trouble.
Do you love being single or moved out with friends? I did love being single. But I'm married to my best friend. Couldn't get any better. It's a constant sleepover. :)
What do you love to do on the weekends? Sleep in. Be able to do fun activities with my husband and family.
Favorite food? Ugh...hard. I love all food. Except Mexican.
Do you love traveling? I think I would if I could afford it.
Are your parents married? Yes. 29 years!
Favorite season? The time between spring and summer. And I also love fall. The colors are so beautiful!
What is your drink of choice? Suicides. (Mixture of the fountain line.)
Favorite thing to spend money on? It used to be clothes for myself, but now I just want to buy my son everything!
Do you know how to drive stick? Yes and no. I can but not very experienced.
What radio station do you listen to? The radio gives me a headache. I listen to cds.
Longest you've camped in a tent? Ew. Never.
Are you a flirt? Not anymore. I just flirt with my husband now.

One :)

Getting ready to go down the isle.

Finally. I have wanted to start a blog for a while! I am now competent enough to start one. :) 

You cannot understand the stress and trials that I have endured. But alas what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And stronger I am indeed. This new year has brought forth a new set of trials, heartaches, troubles, and memories. Just to speed through somethings, I was engaged, married, and am now expecting. Okay, to some people that doesn't sound so bad. And I guess it wasn't. Just stressful. I was engaged for about a month in a half before I found out I was pregnant. I was engaged for a grand total of four months. Originally our wedding day wasn't set until October 11, 2012. (10-11-12) But we had decided to move up the date to March 05, 2012. Since our little one isn't due to arrive until October 16, 2012. I had two months to plan a wedding and reception. Holy crap. Nightmare. Thankfully I had a lot of help. Family and my ward members. Thank goodness. I would not have been able to pull it off. Everything turned out beautiful. With as short a time as we had to plan it all, it turned out beautifully. We had our honeymoon in Park City. Spent three days and two nights up there. It was blissful. I couldn't have asked for a better man, family, or life. 

I LOVED my bouquet!

Right after we said "I do"