Having Peace and Happiness

Ever since I found out I have been waiting to write this post! I just can't believe it! Ever since my miscarriage I really haven't been myself. Losing something so precious to me really shook me to my core. And although I will always remember those feelings right now I am reeling in the news. I am somewhat at peace. I am happy. Right after my miscarriage I was truly blessed with another miracle. I can't even tell you how surprised I was to find out the news. I didn't understand how I could get pregnant again so fast!
I took a Clear Blue pregnancy test. The new one that gives you weeks estimated. I was SO surprised by what I saw on that little screen. 3+ weeks. And on the paper that comes in the box it said that the doctor would probably put you at at least 5 weeks.
When I called my doctor to make an appointment I had to wait little over a month. Holy crap. My doctor is popular! Alex and I went in today and I was surprised. There were two babies!!...Haha no. Just kidding. Phew! I have no idea how I'd handle being pregnant with two little ones! No, but really I was just surprised at far along I am. 9 weeks and 1 day. I cried practically the entire time in the doctors office. I am so happy!! It was such a huge relief to me to hear the babies heart beat. I can't tell you how scared I was. That miscarriage really put some bad thoughts into my head. And although I am still worried I know that my baby is okay and healthy. And I will do anything to keep it that way.
So my appointment next month, we might be able to see what the sex is!! Exciting!! I will keep this blog updated as much as I can!

I will have to post another picture with Wyatt. Poor little guy was absolutely exhausted and wouldn't sit still for a picture together. 

My little peanut! The picture is sideways but you can see the little legs are starting to form. As well as the arms but they aren't so clear here. Love this little one already!

Loss

So it's been long decided that I am a terrible blogger. I forgot I even had a blog! (yes, it's been that long) 

I've had a lot on my mind lately. From the title of this post not everything has been good or happy.. There has been heartbreak and sadness.

Only a select few people know this but I've decided to share with my blogging friends. Over a month ago I found out that I was expecting. You can't understand how happy I was! I could barely contain myself,  I told Alex the next day. His response was quite funny. ( I had turned my camera on so I could record me telling him the good news.) 

Me: "I've got something to tell you.."

Alex: "Oh shit, you're pregnant."

Me: "...I am."

Alex: "What? How?!"

Me: "We had sex!!"

Hahaha! It really was funny. He was quite excited about the news. But I guess it wasn't meant to be...three days later I miscarried. It was the most horrible experience. The pain was a sick reminder of what I had lost and what I wasn't. I felt so heartsick. I wanted that baby. I had already loved him or her. How could you NOT love something that was made between two people who loved each other more than life? 

Kind of ironic. I found out the same day that Alex, Wyatt and I were going to a friend's gender reveal party. It was so bittersweet. I was so happy for my friends, but I was so sad for my own loss. 

Alex told me something he heard and had impacted him while listening to conference. Just because I wanted something doesn't mean the Lord has the same plans. He knows what's in store for me and what is best for me. 

And although it helped to hear that it was still hard to hear it. Even though I wasn't pregnant long I lost something so precious to me. But I know in the next life I will meet and come to know that person I very briefly carried in my womb. 

This is the life

    Have you ever been in just complete utter happiness? Because that is what I am experiencing as of late. I love my family, my life, myself, everything! Why haven't I felt this way my entire life? Why did I have to complicate things so much?! Either way life is going great. I finally feel joy.
     So I think it was about a month ago now my family and I had a great photo shoot with my dearest friend Melinda. We went to Memory Grove and had a great time! I didn't realize how hard it would be to take pictures with with a 6 month old. He did a great job though!
       So this will be a short entry but I wanted to leave you with the beautiful pictures Melinda captured.

Good News; No. Great News; Getting Closer. Awesome/Epic/Fantastic News?! YES!!!!

     I have THE BEST news ever!! I can't even tell you all how happy I am for my family and I. This past Sunday Alex and I had a temple class. We went over our homework that our Bishop had given us. -He said that he has never felt compelled to give those he was teaching homework. But for some reason he was compelled to give us this assignment.- He had given us scriptures to read. We read about Premortal Life, The Fall, Mortal Life, Death & Resurrection and Kingdoms of Glory. (If you are interested in the scriptures just let me know. They are great and they give you some insight into everything.)

After some discussion our Bishop told us that at the earliest we could be at the temple was late July!! How exciting!! After Alex and I talked we agreed on the date August 8th! Oh my goodness!! I am getting so excited just typing about this! I'm also getting nervous..There is so much to learn! 

    I wanted to thank everyone who has been with my family and I through this journey. It has been the hardest but most rewarding journey we have ever been on. 

I think before this happened my eyes weren't necessarily closed but they were shrouded, had a film over them. Well not anymore! My eyes are wide open and I definitely welcome the change of view. I love that I now have Christ at the center of my life. I love that the spirit resides in my home. I am HAPPY!
     I can't wait to have our next lesson. I can't wait to learn more about the temple and everything it stands for! Oh my gosh. You probably think I'm some sort of freak now...But the fact is that I finally found something that makes me incredibly happy. I feel worthy...and if you've ever experienced a lick of sin and temptation you know how awful and sick you feel when you do something you know is wrong but can't seem to get out of it's tight grip!
    Going on two ago now I found a dress. The most beautiful dress. I finally get to have the dress I've always wanted. The dress I've always been waiting for. I feel worthy to wear this dress. This beautiful white dress. It's amazing what a simple piece of garment can do for you, how it can make you feel.
    So there you have it! My totally awesome, epic, fantastic news! August 8, 2013 is our date for our sealing! WHOO!! :)

My Hubby

Out of all the men in the ENTIRE WORLD I have THE BEST one. Ever. The end. Period. No more talk. Lol So who in their right mind would stay up late to make their wives a skirt? Mine! I found a tutorial on Pinterest and I just had to try it. Had to. I had asked him to help me with some of the steps but he actually just ended up doing the whole thing. Haha! And he did a fabulous job. Seriously. I am in love with my skirt..and husband!
Now since this was our first time doing this it took a little while. Like three hours, okay more than three hours. As I'm typing this he is is sewing away!
Besides the fact that he is making me a skirt there are many more reasons why he is simply the best.
My number one is that it takes a real man to step up to the plate when there is a child involved. Instead of being scared and running away from me and the situation he ran TO me. -As some of you may know we got pregnant before we were married. Our original date was in October but we had to move up the date.- He picked our wedding date and simply took care of me.
Second, besides my father I've never known such a hard working man. Alex goes above and beyond when it comes to taking care and supporting his family. Seriously. Even though financially we are doing more then good he has talked about getting a second job.
Third, he asked me to stay home to care for our little one. He wants me to be a stay at home mommy. Instead of going back to work after maternity leave I get to stay home and watch my baby grow up. That is simply the best and most wonderful blessing I could ever have. I am incredibly thankful and grateful for the opportunity. I definitely don't take it for granted. It's a blessing that so many women wish they had.
Fourth, he is the most kind and loving person. A lot of the time my personality can be the like a rock. Hard and void. I'm not the most sensitive person. So that's something that he brings to the table and makes me think about.
Honestly, I could just go on and on. But I think it's time for bed. I promised Alex I would scratch his back. I will post pictures later of the skirt me made! :) Until next time all.

Time

So lately I have been more aware of time. How fast time goes by. How much time has gone by. How (dare I say it?) little time there is. Do you ever think about time? I'm constantly thinking about it. Ever since I became a mommy I can't help but keep track of it. Now that I have more responsibilities I have to. I've got doctors appointments, dinners, dates, family, friends. Just a calender full of things to be done and places to go.
 In eight days Wyatt will be six months old. Do you know how scary that is?? It's terrifying! My baby won't be a baby soon(ish). I can't believe it's been six months since I gave birth to that sweet spirit. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been half a year. I can't remember what life was like before he got here. He is my universe. I'm always thinking about him.
Time. It's a worrisome thing. I'm afraid that I'll never have enough. That I'll never get enough. I just want to spend every minute of everyday with the ones I love. It's a blessing each day that I wake up. God has given me another day, more time to be with those who matter most to me. And for that I am always grateful.

House a Home

I must be odd. Aren't people usually excited to decorate their own home? Make it their own space? Like I said, I must be odd. I suck at decorating. Therefore I don't like doing it. I do feel somewhat accomplished though. This past weekend I actually went to the store and printed pictures!! You're probably wondering how this could ever be an accomplishment? Well I've been in my home since March 2012. It's exactly a year later and I am NOW finally putting pictures up. Sad huh? I had a few picture frames from my wedding and bridal shower and baby shower but they were empty. Were. Now they finally have our pictures in them! This past weekend when I printed pictures I printed at least 300. At least. I spent Saturday night putting pictures in frames and photo albums. Now our home finally has some life in it! It looks like people a family actually lives here. :) Also I FINALLY got a baby book. I'm only five months late. Do you have any idea how hard it is remembering the exact date of something? It's hard. But I did fill out everything and now it's up to date until the next big thing.
Hopefully I'll post a lot more than I have been. Maybe I'll get some inspiration to do it more often. :) Until next time.

Just some pictures :)

This post is simply pictures. :)