So recently I posted on Facebook to a group that I belong to. The post was about my upcoming high school reunion (5 years). I explained how I really wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not. My reason being that I had no desire to see a number of people. People who made me feel like an outcast, like I didn't belong, people who made me feel less of the great person that I really am. People who made fun of my name, skin color, the way I walked and the way my teeth had come in when I was little. Just people who constantly belittled me. I thought after I had received some advice that I was over it. But upon further thought, I'm not. So here is -hopefully- the last time I will put too much thought and heart into it.
After thinking more about it I decided that I would write a letter via my blog to those people. Here goes:
To the people who thought it necessary to tear me down, when all I really needed was to be lifted up. To the people who made fun of my name, skin color, and nationality. I just wanted to belong and to be accepted. To the person who physically hurt me when we were in elementary. I know we were kids, but we were old enough to know right from wrong. To the people who continuously picked on me and made fun of me (to the point of being suicidal) all the way from elementary to high school, I have this to say to you;
My name is Napua Ann Littlewood. And because of you I am a strong, capable, loving and independent woman. I learned to see past the outward appearance of everyone. I chose to see the good. I learned to love completely and to give of myself. I learned that even though life isn't fair and it's full of people who treat you like complete crap. It doesn't excuse them from their behavior.
For years all I have felt whenever I have thought of you (everyone whose ever bullied me) is bitterness. It's hard to let that go. I'm still struggling, even as I'm writing this. But I know that with the Lord's help and love that I will forgive each and everyone of you.
The purpose of this letter is to say that I beat you. All of you. I am strong beautiful woman. I have a firm testimony and love for our Heavenly Father. I have the kindest, most loving husband. A real man who picked up a broken girl and loved and nurtured her until she was whole again. I have two amazingly beautiful, fun, playful boys!
Because of you my children will grow up to learn to help bring people up when they are down. They will learn to embrace those who may be different. They will learn to love unconditionally. And because of you, I have a chance to help change a generation.
I know some people will think I'm being over dramatic and I should just let this go. But how could let it go when it almost destroyed me? I hope people understand that depression is an illness and it's not something to take lightly.
When I was dating my husband we were driving and having a serious talk. I finally worked up the courage to tell him that I had been suicidal and had attempted when I was 19 years old. His reaction...it literally broke my heart, He cried for me. And he cried with me. I found a man who saw just how broken I was and yet, loved me anyway. He didn't see the flaws that all those people did. He just saw me, Napua.
